Not entirely true (except the stuff about guys) but funny!

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish.............................................49
Adventurous................. Slept with everyone
Athletic...................................... No tits
Average looking.................... Ugly
Beautiful........................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.................. Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure...................... On medication
Feminist.......................................... Fat
Free spirit.................................... Junkie
Friendship first.......................... Former slut
Fun.......................................... Annoying
New-Age............ Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned............................. No BJs
Open-minded................................. Desperate
Outgoing...................... Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate............................... Sloppy drunk
Professional.................................... Bitch
Voluptuous................................... Very Fat
Large frame................................. Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate............................... Stalker

WOMEN’S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN’S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay